Wednesday, 21 April 2010

I have a new butler

The Mentalist has been sacked.  Or at least he thinks he has.  He went to work last week - admittedly not on Monday, as he had to take me to the doctors (I won't go alone, as they just don't take me seriously.  He is a great attack man!).  So on Thursday, which was supposed to be his last day before our holiday, his "manager" told him that he wasn't being for the week, and could he get the keys to the office back.  To which The Mentalist asked if he had been sacked!  His manager hadn't quite worked that one out, but  it comes as no surprise to me that the owner of the company would stoop so low.  And the arse still hasn't phoned The Mentalist to tell him anything, and we are now on day 6!  So we are assuming he has no job.

I am hoping so, as it means I currently have a new butler.

Having a butler is great.  I get a lift into work every evening, and a lift home every morning.  I must say that the lift home in the morning is wonderful, as I don't have to walk to the car, trying to bypass bankers that are far too important for their own good,  and drivers who think that a red light is not applicable to them.  Unfortunately, being on double crutches, I am unable to move very quickly, or turn  very well, so the walk generally ends up being more stressful than the night's work.

Speaking of which, the only reason I am able to write so much tonight is that I have managed to score myself a very easy powerpoint conversion job, which is supposed to take 12 hours, but will, in all honesty, only take about 6, so I thought I would do my spew and get it out of the way!

So, back to the butler.  At the moment, he will be sleeping, but very shortly I will give him a call, so he can get up to come and collect me.  Then, when I get home, I shall order breakfast, which will be served to me on a silver platter.  Whilst I do my ablutions, my bed (aka the couch) will be straightened, with pillows and duvet fluffed, so that when I am ready for sleep, I can just clamber in.

When I awake, I shall clap my hands, and the butler will bring me things.  I dream of coffee, but due to stomach pains, just can't take it at the moment.  Still, he can at least go out whilst I am pretending to sleep, and get me nice apple juice!

A little bit later, when I clap my hands again, the butler will then bring me dinner, with a nice drink and crushed ice.

Later still, upon my command, he will drive me to work.

And then I woke up!  I am only dreaming that these things will happen. 

Still, he does now have to go out and buy a suit (hahahahahahahahaha) so that he can be at least slightly presentable for interviews.

Hopefully someone will realise his worth, and I shall never have to work again!

And that is me done for the night.  May well do a band of the week tomorrow, just so that my faithfuls don't feel hard done by!

Nighty night.


  1. Well that sucks about the job, but is super awesome that you have a "butler"!

    Now can you get him to do things that he wouldnt normally do?

  2. It is actually a blessing, because he hated it anyway.

    Am still trying to get him to dress up in drag and do the hula, but he's having none of it!