Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Silence is golden...

so shut up and get rich?

I must apologise to all my faithful two readers for my silence over the Easter break. It isn't that I have been celebrating Easter, because I haven't. My excuse is pain. Which to be honest, is getting really rather dull.

Pain has been my "friend" for so long now that I should in reality be used to it, but as more and more time passes, I am finding myself sliding further into a funk than I have ever been before. I suppose it could be considered a form of depression, but I honestly don't think it is.

There ARE days that I want to end it, but not in a "the world would be a better place without me" kind of way. It is more of a case of not wanting to carry on if I am in the same amount of pain (or more) as I am at the minute in five years time. It is frustration at my inability to do the things I want to do. It is annoyance that I can't say to someone that I will meet them at a point in the near future, because on that day, who knows, I may actually be couch bound.

I am at the stage now where I cannot climb stairs, so I have to sleep on a couch in the living room. It isn't fair to the others in the house, because they feel they cannot be in the lounge if I am sleeping. To be honest, I sleep so little, it doesn't actually matter if they are in there or not.

I am also frustrated at the complete lack of interest the NHS has in how I am suffering. I am assuming that they think I am making this up, in order to get some kind of pain medication. Chance would be a fine thing. I am currently on the highest allowable dosage of a medication that I have told them on numerous occasions doesn't work, but I have not had a review at all. It is almost as though when I go in to talk to a doctor he listens to what I say, and then makes up what he wants to hear.

The Mentalist and I have decided to change doctors. I have said we should give the surgery one last chance at getting it sort of right. If they don't, I am going to go somewhere else. And I am going to keep changing surgeries until I get some kind of support.

Sorry for the rant, but pain has been well and truly in situ over the past few days, so it is all that is on my mind. However I am going on holiday in 10 days, so I am trying to get myself a PMA!

So I shall cheer the hell up, and post more frequently!

Love to you all.

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